Taste with Confidence

By Ginger Snappz

A new hand-held device from Vintronix Corporation gives instant numerical wine scores based on the 100-point system. Simply insert the probe into your glass of wine and hit the red button and read the three-digit digital display.

For example, a recent Merlot I tested read 089 points. Now, I am confident to serve it at my next dinner party.

For less than $100, anyone can become an instant wine expert. Many times I have enjoyed a nice glass of wine only to later find that it had scored poorly. This can be embarrassing; I might mistakenly serve a wine at a dinner party or recommend one to a friend only to discover my palate was wrong and the wine was just average.

But now, I don’t need to worry because Vintronix has my back. If a guest doesn’t like a wine I serve, I can prove them wrong. All I need to do is insert the probe and the scores will prove I’m right and my guest will have egg on his face.

Some have accused Vintronix of ushering in the “Brave New World” of wine consumption, but I disagree. Why should wine evaluation be left to the experts?

A beginner can savor his first glass of Oregon Pinot Noir and know it is good because Vintronix says so. Of course, one may not know why it is good, but that is beside the point.

Many winemakers were asked what they thought about Vintronix. The majority of them were impressed with its accuracy. They felt a hand-held device is more objective than wine critics, doesn’t require advertising or industry perks, never catches a cold, doesn’t smoke cigarettes and only requires two double-A batteries.

Easy to use, objective and democratic in principal, but one frightening question remains: How does Oregon Pinot Noir compare to Burgundian Pinot Noir? The answer according to Vintronix: Oregon Pinot is better.

Finally, the long enduring argument has ended. Sorry, DRC!

Vintronix continues to improve its technology. Soon it will introduce a deluxe testing unit using wireless Internet and a UPC scanner. This allows consumers to scan a bottle of wine while shopping and receive instantaneous scores. What a handy and helpful way to know you are buying the best wine without learning anything about the wine. Of course, wines must be entered first into the database in order to pull up a score. Vintronix has an introductory package for wine distributors.

Vintronix projects it will be one of the biggest influences in modern winemaking for the proactive winemaker. In development is the new Vintronix Vin-Magician, a wine tester that scores right from the barrel! Now winemakers can see their current score of the developing wine without apprehension. If the score is less than desired, simply punch in the desired score and the Vintonix Vin-Magician will order the right chemicals needed to correct the wine and bring it up to the desired score.

What a breakthrough for winemakers and wine buyers around the world. Now, everyone can make great wine, and all consumers have access to the palate of a sommelier. Thank you, Brave New World; I can now taste wine with confidence! ◊ AF!

Ginger Snappz is a part-time wine writer and a contributor of Mopar Muscle Magazine. Mr. Snappz enjoyed moderate fame in the late ’70s with his glam rock hit “Burning Party Submarine.”

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